1. Venting frustrations to CAFCASS

If you want to win your case, you must understand a very important concept.

Whenever you talk to CAFCASS you are in family court! It does not matter if you’re on the phone, sitting on the toilet, doing your safeguarding call. Or if you are being visited at home. Where CAFCASS goes, family court comes with it.

If you spend your time venting your frustrations, they will just write you up as someone who can’t work with the child’s mother. Now, you can still share concerns. But you must do it the right way.

This means you must treat each converstation with as much seriousness as you do when you are in a hearing. But it doesn’t end there!

The CAFCASS recommendations will always be the starting point for the judiciary’s decisions. So, you must be ready to put in effort to make that conversation work in your favour. If you need ideas on how to talk to CAFCASS, watch this video:

2. Expecting fairness

This is the harderst part of going to court. The truth is, the courts are unfair. To be specific, they are unfair to fathers.

Now, mothers often express the same sentiment. However, their reasons are different. To the females who end up in court, it is unfair that they can’t completely erease the father from the children’s lives. Some will argue that the father is abusive, others just want to get on with their lives.

In any case, the system is biased against males. Why is that? There are many reasons but the biggest one is that our society dislikes anything that is male-related. In addition, there are biases because the social workers/CAFCASS are mostly female.

At some point, you will discover darker and more sinister reasons – but that’s something will dive into later.

3. Accepting negative recommendations

A lot of father think that if they just co-operate things will be better for them.

Nothing can be further from the truth. While it makes sense to respect court orders, you have to avoid orders that make life hard for you. Especially if these orders will make it more difficult for you to see your children.

The whole point of going to court is to fight for what you believe is right. As I said above, the whole thing is already set against you. Don’t make it even harder!

For example, don’t just accept non-molestation orders. If you don’t agree with the CAFCASS recommendations, get a hearing to challenge them. You can’t guarantee you’ll win. But you at least have a shot.

When it comes to non-molestation orders, they are very hard to fight. However, they can stop your case in its tracks. Find it in your soul to fight.

4. Not studying the opponent’s case

Marcus Aurelius said, “the obstacle shall become the way.”

If you want to win, you must know everything your opponent is doing. And, the good news is, they list all their arguments in the court statements. Study those statements!

Write down all the points your opponent is making about you. This step is especially important if you are facing a fact finding hearing and you have false allegations made against you. How do you expect to win if you don’t prepare rebuttals?

I will admit that this is very difficult and time consuming. It does help to have someone take some of the work on. But, whatever you do, don’t avoid becoming familiar with your opponent’s case.

5. Gettting visibly angry

My lawyer glared and me and whispered through her teeth, “Stop breathing so hard!”

The words brought me back into the court room. I realized that I was gritting my teeth and felt my nostrils flare up. I looked up and saw one of the magistrates staring at me.

Right. I closed my eyes for a moment. My breathing slowed down. Easy.

The reason why I was struggling was because of all the lies the opposing lawyer was saying about me. And, she was stating false allegations as if she was there and witness them herself. How was I supposed to react?

That was a mistake that put me back. I later came to understand that you have to stay calm no matter what’s said about you. If you show your anger, it will be interpreted as your character. Yeah, I know it’s hard – but you have to control your emotions. One thing that helped was dealing with my triggers outside the court room. I made a list of all the things that my ex used to say that would get me angry. Then, I would figure out what those things got to me. By the time I was done, I couldn’t stop laughing!

I realized that most of the things that upset me were not worth the energy. So, I stopped getting affected by them. Then, it became much easier to remain composed and professional during court hearings.

6. Talking out of turn

This mistake is similar to the one above – when you’re angry, it’s hard to control yourself.

You might hear a lie and then errupt and try to explain the truth to the judge.

Not so long ago, a man got so annoyed that he called the judge a “cunt” and other names. He irritated the judge so much that the situation ended up in contempt proceedings. The guys was sentenced to several months in prison!

While this may seem extreme, it’s very common for fathers to interrupt or to shout inappropriate things. However, the best thing to do is, write down your thoughts. Then you either wait for your time to speak, or signal by raising your hand that you have something important to say.

Overall, try to uses your instincts to time any interruptions you deem necessary.

7. Talking to opponent or her lawyer during hearing

Judges will hate you if you start your own mini-hearing.

I have seen this happen. The opposing parties start a discussion between themselves, while the judge watches in anger. Don’t do this!

The only person you should talk to is the judge! If you have a question, tell the judge that you need a clarification from the opposite side. Do not bypass the judge – or you will find yourself losing ground.

8. Poorly written statements

Your statements have two main purposes.

One, to clarify your own thoughts and ideas. You need to be clear on what you want else you will lose your mind in the chaos of the court room. And, the opposing party must also know exactly what they are arguing against.

The second reason is, your witness statements are part of your evidence. If you don’t write them properly, they won’t have the power to help you win your case. Too many people sit down with a solicitor, whip up a statement within a couple of hours, and then get surprised when their case falls apart.

You must know the best techniques to write statement that works. You can’t write good one in an hour or two. Dedicate time, and learn how to do it right. (Get in touch if you need help writing your statements.)

9. Not practicing your submissions

If you are representing yourself, you must practice what you are going to say.

This step is especially important because you want to have all the leverage you can get. The more you practice, the easier it will be for you to argue in court.

There is nothing fancy to this. Find a space where you won’t be disturbed. Imagine being in front of a judge. Then say what you have to say.

Make notes. Also, observe your emotions. You will find a lot of triggers that way too. It’s best that you process them ahead of time.

Which brings us to the next step!

10. Not preparing ahead!

You will be suprised to know how many fathers don’t prepare at all.

Some think their solicitor will put in the time. But no, that won’t happen.

Others think that the truth will prevail. As we saw in mistake number one, the process is not fair.

You must prepare way beyond what you think you need. That’s the only way you can have a winning advantage in the end.

Of course, it’s a difficult process. If you need to get started, get in touch today. We will schedule a complimentary one-hour consultation – with no obligation to you.

During the consultation we will discuss:

• the current situation
• the obstacles to getting what you want
• the best way forward

You will get a real consultation – not a long pitch. You will walk away with actionable steps that will help you win your case. When I was in your situation, a lot of people helped me out.

So this is my way of giving back. And, you and I just might end up working together anyway.

Get in touch now and we’ll take it from there.

Comment below and feel free to ask any questions you have!